Over the past several weeks, our nation’s leaders (and a slew of talking heads) have been discussing the nature of our public discourse. How do our leaders frame debates? In what tone are they addressing each other?
Politicians have long spewed vitriol. But is our problem necessarily tone and language? As a writer, I understand the weight of words. But for me, the bigger issue — and it goes far beyond our nation’s capital — is that we simply don’t listen. Thanks to social media and other tools, we all have a microphone. So, we talk and talk. We blog. We tweet. We update our statuses.
Personally, professionally, politically — there is little listening and much talking. I’ve noticed a number of friends and colleagues on Facebook and Twitter, for example, who don’t engage with others. They only broadcast. All talking, no listening.
In business, it would often do us well to just shut up. A few months ago, I interviewed Peter Sheahan for an article in Speaker Magazine, a publication produced by the National Speakers Association for its members. Sheahan is an entrepreneur, thought leader, author and highly sought-after speaker. During our conversation, he shared an anecdote about the power of listening.
He recalled a sales call where he listened for 28 minutes — and spoke for just one. He got the job. He attributed it to listening and being willing to learn what the client’s problem was.
“It’s because I’m not saying, ‘Here’s my view of the world,’” he explained. “Instead, I’m asking, ‘What’s your view of the world?’”
The fascination with broadcasting our views isn’t just about politicians and 24-hour news channels. It’s about how we ALL interact with our spouses, our friends, our business associates.
Personally, I’ve found that the people who talk all the time … I’ve stopped listening. I don’t have time to see if in all of their talking, there’s a nugget of genius. But people who mostly listen and speak only at strategic opportunities? Now, those are people worth listening to, I’ve learned.
The next time you sit down in a meeting, bring a stopwatch (heck, your iPhone probably has an app for that). Pay attention to how much of the time you spend talking and how much you spend listening. Are you taking the time to really understand the issues facing your company or department? Are you listening to all perspectives? More than that, even if you aren’t talking, are you actively listening to each speaker, or are you too busy writing your to-do list or thinking of what you’ll say when it is your turn to speak?
Bottom line is this: We could all be better listeners. I know I could. So now, I’d like to hear from you. What have you done to improve your listening skills? What have you noticed about talkers vs. listeners?
This is an outstanding post. The writing, of course, is sharp and engaging – as yours always is. But I really value the content of this post, because it’s a topic not many people think about. Having come from a family of chronic interrupters, I’ve had to work hard to learn to listen. Some of that has been helped by my experiences as an actor/director, where the adage, “Acting is listening” is a principle to which I adhere. It’s also true during interviews. I once worked with someone whose interview questions were so long, the subject could barely remember the topic by the time she finished the question. It’s sometimes tempting to veer into conversation, because it can yield a great interview (and sometimes it’s the right approach). But mostly, I’ve found it true that if you remain silent, others will talk. And that’s what you want if you’re looking to glean information and learn. Thanks for sharing this great topic!