Writers and editors have our fair share of pet peeves. Actually, we probably have more than our fair share. One of mine (and I know I’m not alone here) is the misuse and overuse of the word “literally.” This error seems to be everywhere lately, so I thought it was time for a primer.

Here’s the deal. “Literally” means it actually happened. Like, for real. Not metaphorically. Not figuratively.

So, when you said you “literally died,” that can’t be so, because … ya know, you’d be dead. Or your “jaw literally dropped to the ground.” Um, no, it didn’t. I know you don’t want to say your jaw figuratively dropped to the floor. But that’s what you mean.

But to make things confusing, Merriam-Webster offers up two definitions: the first, meaning actually. The second is this: in effect, virtually. My favorite part of the entry is this explanation: Since some people take sense 2 to be the opposite of sense 1, it has been frequently criticized as a misuse. Instead, the use is pure hyperbole intended to gain emphasis, but it often appears in contexts where no additional emphasis is necessary.

I would argue that indeed these are contradictory definitions — and that the examples above require no additional emphasis. But I’d be curious to hear what you think. I also think we’d be fine if, say, no one ever used the word “literally” again.

The other piece of the problem is the overuse of the word. “I literally ran 5 miles today.” OK, well, I’m assuming you wouldn’t tell me you figuratively ran 5 miles today. So, let’s just go with: “I ran 5 miles today.” Same with “I literally waited in the doctor’s office for 45 minutes.” I have a doctor, too, so I know that’s likely not an exaggeration. But if it IS an exaggeration, then “literally” is used incorrectly once again.

OK, enough of my rant. If you’re a fellow “literally” hater, you might get a kick out of David Cross’ take on it. My friend Karen shared it with me recently, and it’s quite funny — with awesome examples that I wanted to claim as my own. Please note: There is profanity, so if the words you can’t say on television aren’t your cup of tea, you might want to skip this one. Otherwise, you can literally find the comedic bit here.